Interpretation of Reality

Saturday, March 22, 2008
10:33:20 PM


I destroyed her, or so I had thought.( Is this what the visions meant?)NO! I dare not attempt at this time to interpret things of such a nature for I would only run the risk of summoning the whore once again. I am still weak.... I must regain my strength.... The time will come.. Hopefully before I fall into oblivion . Sleep is out of the question. For the realm of slumber is her court. Yet somehow I must regain my focus. Not "must". I WILL regain my focus!It is when the mind is weak that she is able to penetrate my mind and attack me. In this condition I am as a person with a wall of tissue paper between myself and an army of Mastodons. I am very close to the state of sleep and this will not do. 23 days thus far with no more than 36 hours of sleep. Broken sleep at that. This is not the ravings of one gone mad! This is the reality of one who has angered Satan's bitch. Hell has no fury! Believe I would thankfully accept such a fate rather than the obstacle which hovers before me. In reality, consciously she was weak! A coward! Not worthy to be with a Man as kind and caring, A man as sweet and gentle, A man as loving and faithful. She could not and thus would not EVER challenge me in this realm!She would have been intellectually ripped asunder with no more than a couple of heart wrenching statements. Her own guilt, her shame born out of her adulterous way would have sent her running for the medicine cabinet and back to her old friend Mr. Razor. NO! She lashes out in the realm of sleep. One that until that fateful night, I was master of! NONE before have ever triumphed against me! NONE! Not The Father Of Lies Ol' Lucifer himself! Many a demon far greater than this ungrateful harlot has attempted to besiege my mind. All have fallen in my wake. Decimated, mowed down like the victims of a school shooting. Perhaps I had became to convinced of my own power. NO! If a demon, a king of demons, a horde of demons were unable to defeat me, then a lousy wench stood not a chance in HeLL!,..ahhh...No, not in Hell! And not here in physical form... Perhaps only a human who possessed human attributes and yet the blood of a demon...... Yes! That is the only logical way although logic is not of importance in the realms of I once found solace .
When I first encountered my adversary I was unsure of it's nature. I found out very quickly that I had underestimated it. I was left broken and crying out for a savior, ANY savior! I was more terrified than I have ever been. I had laid down to get some rest the day after my wife had attempted to gut my father and I. She had made some very significant statements of which at the time I didn't catch. As i fell asleep I felt a great heaviness come down upon my mind. As If i had just taken a handful of xanax and drunken a half gallon of Velvet. As i entered the confines of my fortified mind I was curious as to what type of adventures my 'playtime" held. I was almost instantly struck so hard by terror that I was almost knocked out of my sleep back into consciousness. I would later regret not having been. I reeled for balance and regained my focus only to be caught again in the grip of some very large being who began tearing into my chest.I looked around to see i was lying in my bed with this behemoth clawing at my heart. I began to force myself awake. I went through the normal steps of accepting that this was nothing but a dream and thus it was MY dream. I began to allow my mind to have that epiphany in which holds the power to awake regardless of how tired. It was a struggle like none fought before. I would swing my arms in order to wake my sleeping self as I expected hitting the rails at my beds head would. But every action I made was hopelessly countered by this fiend whose shadow lay upon me like a bear rug of thirst on a humid August afternoon. It reached out for my throat and grasped it. I felt my hopes of escape fading. This continued for an hour or so of actual time and as you know, an hour asleep is like a lifetime awake. I managed to wake myself up. I ran and turned on the light switch still trying to clear my foggy head and make sense of what had just occurred. By far worse than a doe in the head lights. Worse than a mother watching her child fall from the top of a Ferris wheel. I pondered it for a while. A long while.......and somehow.....fell back asleep.

I remembered sitting on my bed trying to stay awake. I remember hearing a laugh. I stood up to let know whatever was coming couldn't touch me in the real world. I realized to late as it grew to an enormous height in my room that we were no longer in the real world. I rushed into the kitchen area of my dream. Everything resembled the day and situation when my wife had left. My father was there trying to get away from my wife who was screaming obscenities and throwing things at his head. And just as before in reality I came in and interrupted it. But I wasn't going to go through that day again! i turned to my right and rammed my head as hard as i could into the kitchen counter. From previous experience doing so would make me aware that I was dreaming and the illusion of sleep would break as soon as I didn't feel the pain. I crumpled to the floor. I was dreaming alright. I was also feeling the impact as if i had just been hit in the head with a sledgehammer.Never ever had I felt any pain! A thousand battles with demons and fears, a thousand times had I used this secret weapon and laughed as I took control. This time I felt the pain! I tried to make sense of the situation and reacted as quickly as my cloudy mind could. I grabbed for the butcher knife I knew even in my dream was laying on the counter. Just like the day these events really took place in life. But this time I was going to win. My wife ran at me and I swung that knife brutally carving into my sweet Angela's soft fleshy neck. Even in a dream I was so shook up by having to do this that I felt noxious. I forced my self to keep cutting until I cut her head off and her body fell against me.I had to make myself realize this was not real! It had already happened! Against me... waking me up as her head rolled across the floor laughing. In the same tone as the creature from the first dream. I had found my demon. I now knew who was my adversary. I recoiled from the shock as I began to realize her hatred for me was pure. I somehow fell into sleep once more but only after my cat Poe had curled up beside me. He had never and hasn't since slept on my bed while I have. He sensed her. After all, I gave my cat Poe to her for her birthday. I had never paid attention to him much until she left.


And thus is where I stand. Having been awake for weeks. having only nodded off a few short hours in God knows how long. A week is like a day. Just one long day. I don't complain about not getting enough sleep. Few ever notice. I am awake when they wake up. I am awake when the go to sleep. I can no longer share that comfort. This dog has been ran out of his yard. This is Reality! Not a story. Not an illusion. This shit is real!I will surely perish eventually but I am not going to die in my sleep. Many people hope to do so. Not I! They have no fucking clue. And that statement my wife had made the day she left here... "I'm going to kill you in your sleep! You just wait!" It took me 2 weeks to put that together with the dreams. I am so amazed at how much my body can take. I expected to die after 4 or 5 days without food or sleep. Don't ever expect to die! You may be disappointed.



The time will come. Hopefully before I fall into oblivion

I've reached the conclusion that she may very well win this battle.






This perpetual torment......

Being a demonosopher myself I do not believe this to be a case of Somniphobia as my subconscious persists.. Neither is it merely cryptogenic. It is mariticide in it's foulest display. I am well aware of this grave injustice's inception.

"Oh sleep, my lover guards thy gates, for me,
desires to seal my fate." And thus I stay, day upon night upon night upon day awake with eyes glazed amazed might I say? Cold sweat drips from my lips. From these dry fingertips. Is this how "I" shall cease to exist?