Life... Interesting isn't it? Mine is a whirlwind of emotion and text. I have just awoken from a deep and well appreciated moment of rest. Awoken by a phone call from a sweet little demon by the name of K8. Looked at the world and said to myself," Tonight is lost." Lost as in it will most likely be a long minute before it is morning and time spent will cease to exist. That is the mentality I have came to accept. No longer do I have "Long weeks". Just endless days. And endless daze. The last day lasted a couple weeks before I fell under sleeps desperate grasp. As i said, one long day. People complain when they do not get enough sleep in a night. I on the other hand complain when I am not awake more then a week.This last "long day" was spent with the glass in my hand and a million different faces young and old flashing past my immortal frame. Ghosts of the past, present, and future. One moment I was involved in dark activities in which I was accompanied by 4 spirits. That night we saved the life of a lady I hold dear. Another night not long after I was sitting here with a bag of sunshine large enough to shroud the sun's light for a month. And it almost succeeded. I spent time with killers, thieves, and ladies of the night. I spent time with the dark one as he whispered tales of a forbidden nature. I listened as one woman told me of her teenage years as a prostitute in Los Angelas and witnessed the impact it had upon her life. 25 years old was this gal. And the needle broke the skin. I looked on and it brought up emotions I thought long dead. Pity. I silently gave her affection. Affection of a type I do not believe she has ever experienced. The type all deserve. I gave her a place to stay for a day and a half. I made clear it was safe here. I was as honest as always. I smiled as she realized I was not trying to fuck her. She appreciated my kindness and was comfortable. I could see she was surprised that I was "real". Too many people claim to be "real". When put to the test though they fall apart. They do not practice what they preach. In a world full of fake ass people an honest man will persevere in all attempts. Nevertheless she was deposited back into her little hell hole when she desired so. I observe such activity daily. Same night she was in my company an individual was murdered a couple blocks away. Another tragedy? Only to those who see such things as such. I would love to escape in such a manner yet that is not to be. Another night I had set here with the sweetest little demon. She was intoxi-KATE-ing. That is another memory i will remember for quites some time.No sex. Sex would have ruined it. Sex is good but the moments spent that night were more satisfying. The moments of which it dawned upon me that we shared some very uncommon interests. Felt as though I could spend eternity constricted within that playground of a mind she possessed. Restrained within that dark dungeon of solitude and pain. What a beautiful place to vacation! Ahh.But yes... Only a vacation. A brief one at that. A tease. For when I desired more I was not denied by anyone but my self and God! God's twisted way of tossing my plans upon the waves. And once again I sit here. Waiting patiently for someone.Something. Anything! To take away the boredom. To wash away the reality that is pressing heavily against my face. I will never have what I desire. So I will hold tight too the brief moments I am granted. When God asks for these back I will bury them deep inside. In the depths of a mind so dark that nothing with a shed of light within will ever find them. I laugh. I laugh at my bluntness. My stubbornness. When I burn in the end, of which I do not beLIEve any will, but if it comes, I will withstand such pain comforted by these dark thoughts and the pleasure they once brought. Yes I will swim through the flames with the memories of pain. Sustained by the spirit of a warrior. It is the spirit. I am the spirit. The spirit does not wither. At least I do not. Confident. Tenacious, Temptation without the indulgence. At times. Sincere? Beyond mortals capability. Reliable? Rock steady. Lonely??? Mostly
2 comments:
I guess its a negative attitude ..o well...People aren't real unless taking chunks out of your skin while your for some reason pinned with your arms behind your back..and not enought to kill you when you want it...I had a vision..spoke to the reaper..he rejected me..wtf is with that? Tried out of pure despaire a few ago again..just want peace,,no drama.SOMETHING knocked me out 3 days ..sober ...wtf .alot only really notice when its them in need anyway..took my family wanting meth money to save my life..layed there blood poisened 2 days ..46 beats a minutes still living so mom and auntie to family love and your needs..I DO believe in Soul..I believe maybe more in being a martyr..rather me than anyone else ..cant say its good for your health..and your more likely to be called an idiot than thanked ..for tossing ma drama round..I have seen souls with the warrior within...I have learned a couple of additions to respect I thinkYEAH I can be thick headed> thats I nevere say YOU feel...YOU are ever pretend my hurt is worse than another is the tag of some"thing" I wish not identify paradoxal Pandora..how do you help someone when to fucked up to help yourself..I NEVER say get over it...or you MAKE to much of it..last rant whats the control factor here..you have a scared kid dont shut the door and turn out the light your control freak fuck...enticing is a horrid tease and I loved the tease better than the result I wonder does that make me masiocistic? cant even spell it right I HATE lonely..got the mark of something that lets me fit NOWHERE I ask WHAT am I ..I get self esteam lectures...whats the purpose of prophecy if deliberatly meant to be evasive untill AFTER..well just rambling ..discusted with most cleaned my list out but for a few.. Ive learned some serious word play lately ,love scrabble ..now it always has messeages ..fuck drives me nuts...chat boxes with that ramond 289 pops up with a red face I know the demon keeps company ...seems alot of my extracharicular activities have gotten strange..have always read right to left back to front so name the things first game was easy..can be dense when comes to some things ..hell if I were perfect Id been sucsessful at fixing myself with wheatgrass veganism and meditation none which i do....just a rant
Yeah, makes a lot of sense. Things that make a lot of sense at one moment cease to later. I forgot that I could get comments on here. LOL! Yeah laughing...Scrabble is my favorite game besides chess. From what i gleam from your 'rant', all the things done in life are in vain. Regardless. I don't wish for death as much as i think. I think more then I wish. More scatterbrain thoughts. Been up a few. life falling apart. Myself sharing the blame. You shocked the hell out of me. I seriously didn't think any one read this stuff. I use it for personal reference. Thought like I just have, that in time I may come back to it and see what was going on in my life at the time. Thanks.
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